"And all, all that I do.. It comes back to you.."
It is true what they say.. real love should awaken the soul, and make us reach for more. It shouldn't be a convenience, and it shouldn't be shallow. It should leave us feeling wanted, and cared for. You know, no matter what happens- there is someone that is going to love you more than anything. No matter how bad things may seem, or how unlikely that possibility is- It is true.
I know that even if I am not "loved" right now, I do know that one day there will be someone who will think that I am the most beautiful thing they've ever seen. I've seen it happen. And I also know that if you love someone, you should tell them whenever you feel it, and try to make each moment count. You never know when those moments will run out. You never know, someone could wake up one day and walk out of your life leaving you wondering what happened, leaving you feeling like you weren't ready, trying to justify reasons that don't matter, not being able to answer the "whys?". I could even do that, maybe I'll wake up and just go, and leave everyone wondering what happened- It would be easy. It would be a safe way out, the easy way out, but I don't think we should ever take the easy way out. Sometimes you have to fight for the things that you love... I don't plan on regretting my love, and I don't ever want to regret not trying. If I fail, then I fail- but I gave it a shot.
It's like that quote, that insanely depressing quote.. "If you love someone, let them go- If they come back, they were always yours.. If they don't, they never were". It's true, and it's sad- but it also leaves some sort of peace.
I hope everyone can experience that type of love sometime in their life. And I hope that when you do find it.. you hold onto it with everything that you have.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Time Travel and Stars.
Okay, so time travel- the best way to go into the future is to LIVE. You'll always get where you wanna go, if where you wanna go is into the future. :)
Going into the past is impossible. Because if you think about it, the past after you've lived it is gone. It only exists in our memories, and who is to say that that is even real- maybe we were just born this minute, and for some reason we were born this minute ingrained with particular memories, none of which actually existed. And you can fight it, hence why they have done studies with people where they told them a few memories, a few that did exist and a few that did not- if told these stories, a lot of times people will start to believe that the false memories really did happen, and they will be able to put pieces together in their minds of things that NEVER EXISTED.
But then again, you can travel into the past. All you need to do is think. It's not the whole time travel machine that movies make it out to be. It's a scent, It's a picture.. It can be anything that takes you back to that time. It's all in our minds. Everything that we think, feel or perceive is an illusion of something that is in our brains.
Interesting, isn't it?
Also, Did you know that when you look up at the sky- You're seeing 8 minutes into the past? Because the light doesn't travel as quicky. So technically, you CAN see into the past.
I'm such a nerd. I love it.
Going into the past is impossible. Because if you think about it, the past after you've lived it is gone. It only exists in our memories, and who is to say that that is even real- maybe we were just born this minute, and for some reason we were born this minute ingrained with particular memories, none of which actually existed. And you can fight it, hence why they have done studies with people where they told them a few memories, a few that did exist and a few that did not- if told these stories, a lot of times people will start to believe that the false memories really did happen, and they will be able to put pieces together in their minds of things that NEVER EXISTED.
But then again, you can travel into the past. All you need to do is think. It's not the whole time travel machine that movies make it out to be. It's a scent, It's a picture.. It can be anything that takes you back to that time. It's all in our minds. Everything that we think, feel or perceive is an illusion of something that is in our brains.
Interesting, isn't it?
Also, Did you know that when you look up at the sky- You're seeing 8 minutes into the past? Because the light doesn't travel as quicky. So technically, you CAN see into the past.
I'm such a nerd. I love it.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Girls. Girls. Girls.
So, I was thinking to myself about girls. Wait, that sounds weird.
Okay, more like why girls act the way they do sometimes. I mean.. most of my friends are 24+, but it's really interesting to discover that a lot of my younger girlfriends, are more mature than most of my older girlfriends- by that I mean "Oh, my friend doesn't like this girl so I have to hate her too".. Really? Or disliking for stupid reasons. Come on.. That's just ridiculous. Or gossiping, or rumors.. I'm only 20, but I can say I do my best to avoid gossip.. If I have something to discuss with someone I will speak to them myself.
Which is why I think it's really funny when people say that I like drama, when in all reality.. drama is what I try to stay away from. I can't remember the last time I really had a confrontation with someone.. I generally try to avoid it because it really doesn't matter to me. And that is why I think it's funny when people say I'm all about drama. Sorry everyone.. You got the wrong girl.
This was a total bitch post. Really didn't have anything to do with anything of substance, but no one reads this - therefore, it was just a thought that needed to come out. Yep. Hah.
Okay, more like why girls act the way they do sometimes. I mean.. most of my friends are 24+, but it's really interesting to discover that a lot of my younger girlfriends, are more mature than most of my older girlfriends- by that I mean "Oh, my friend doesn't like this girl so I have to hate her too".. Really? Or disliking for stupid reasons. Come on.. That's just ridiculous. Or gossiping, or rumors.. I'm only 20, but I can say I do my best to avoid gossip.. If I have something to discuss with someone I will speak to them myself.
Which is why I think it's really funny when people say that I like drama, when in all reality.. drama is what I try to stay away from. I can't remember the last time I really had a confrontation with someone.. I generally try to avoid it because it really doesn't matter to me. And that is why I think it's funny when people say I'm all about drama. Sorry everyone.. You got the wrong girl.
This was a total bitch post. Really didn't have anything to do with anything of substance, but no one reads this - therefore, it was just a thought that needed to come out. Yep. Hah.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Alien.
When you do find that person that you're looking for, when you're with someone you love- lay next to them and put your head against theirs. Then take a moment to think about everything that defines you. Take a moment to think about how you see the world. Think about how much there is in your mind - your own universe - that nobody will ever be able to completely know or understand. Then realize that your head is touching another universe - theirs. Think about how much must be in that mind that is only millimeters away.
I've always looked for the "why" in everything, every situation- And it wasn't until someone very recently started asking me "why".. That I realized how hard it can be to explain certain things when asked "why". I guess now I'm realizing that I should have lived more in the moment, if you will, and not wondered why and just accepted the feeling- I guess I still could. There's no telling how much time you have, so you might as well take action now, right?
That's all you really can do, and it's all you really have anymore. Hanging onto the past which is no longer tangible isn't really worth the effort. When something is still in reach, yeah, sure.. get it, but sometimes things are just too far out of our reach, and those are things we should let go of. Besides that, all we really have is our futures. And that is always open for molding.
Today was rough, but eye-opening.
Have a good night, to whoever reads this.
I've always looked for the "why" in everything, every situation- And it wasn't until someone very recently started asking me "why".. That I realized how hard it can be to explain certain things when asked "why". I guess now I'm realizing that I should have lived more in the moment, if you will, and not wondered why and just accepted the feeling- I guess I still could. There's no telling how much time you have, so you might as well take action now, right?
That's all you really can do, and it's all you really have anymore. Hanging onto the past which is no longer tangible isn't really worth the effort. When something is still in reach, yeah, sure.. get it, but sometimes things are just too far out of our reach, and those are things we should let go of. Besides that, all we really have is our futures. And that is always open for molding.
Today was rough, but eye-opening.
Have a good night, to whoever reads this.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Post 3 today? wow.
Wow.. 3 posts in one day?
Well, It hasn't gotten better- but I really just wanted to try to verbalize a scattered thought I had going on.
We all have our lives and a lot of the time we are with people we care about, we have families, friendships, relationships- We spend however much amount of time with those people, until the friendship or relationship ends and it starts to feel after awhile like it never really happened? It turns into some form of distant dream, does that mean that we emotionally lose those years? Because they're gone, and the world is still turning.. "Did it ever happen?" is what you will start to wonder. Maybe the time spent alone is the time where we really grow, and don't lose anything emotionally.
I was talking today with my roommate about relationships.. with I guess just anyone, not necessarily romatic relationships and how when they end you really think back, and you find yourself thinking about all those times where you argued, or got upset about something stupid- or didn't take the time to tell them you love them whenever you could, didn't do things to make them smile, didn't really spend that emotional time together just talking, and just being near each other.. Seems like bullshit now, right? But we tend to forget all of that whenever we have something safe, and we take it for granted. I hate that.
Well, It hasn't gotten better- but I really just wanted to try to verbalize a scattered thought I had going on.
We all have our lives and a lot of the time we are with people we care about, we have families, friendships, relationships- We spend however much amount of time with those people, until the friendship or relationship ends and it starts to feel after awhile like it never really happened? It turns into some form of distant dream, does that mean that we emotionally lose those years? Because they're gone, and the world is still turning.. "Did it ever happen?" is what you will start to wonder. Maybe the time spent alone is the time where we really grow, and don't lose anything emotionally.
I was talking today with my roommate about relationships.. with I guess just anyone, not necessarily romatic relationships and how when they end you really think back, and you find yourself thinking about all those times where you argued, or got upset about something stupid- or didn't take the time to tell them you love them whenever you could, didn't do things to make them smile, didn't really spend that emotional time together just talking, and just being near each other.. Seems like bullshit now, right? But we tend to forget all of that whenever we have something safe, and we take it for granted. I hate that.
I write a lot at work.
The whole idea of just leaving is so great. Just actually going. Not to join in on a new form of civilization but taking some time away from civilization. You know, just living out there in all of Gods' wonder. Just breathing it all in and existing in the way that people did so long ago.
Really living. Is suburban america really living? You do what you're told and nothing else matters? Really? Yeah.. happiness isn't a situation, it's a choice - but life is a playground, as well as this world, and I could never be okay with believing certain peoples false ideals of how to live, how to love or what is right, and I could never be okay with meaningless existence. I think we should live passionately, kindly, faithfully and enthusiastically. It's raging all around us, all the time. Just gotta grab it.
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”
-Jack Kerouac
I hate that I have this problem with impulsiveness, it sucks but at the time feels so good. Feels like that burning desire sitting in the bottom of your stomach that's just desperately excited and desperately trying to show itself in all ways. Just boom.
Really living. Is suburban america really living? You do what you're told and nothing else matters? Really? Yeah.. happiness isn't a situation, it's a choice - but life is a playground, as well as this world, and I could never be okay with believing certain peoples false ideals of how to live, how to love or what is right, and I could never be okay with meaningless existence. I think we should live passionately, kindly, faithfully and enthusiastically. It's raging all around us, all the time. Just gotta grab it.
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”
-Jack Kerouac
I hate that I have this problem with impulsiveness, it sucks but at the time feels so good. Feels like that burning desire sitting in the bottom of your stomach that's just desperately excited and desperately trying to show itself in all ways. Just boom.
glycerine.
It's really interesting that our best moments to write tend to be some of the worst moments we experience.. Maybe because when we're happy we don't feel the need to write, because we're busy being happy. Yeah, makes sense.
It's come to the point now where I've literally pushed everyone away that I possibly could. Some of it may have been my fault, maybe some of it other peoples' fault. But either way, I don't have a whole lot right now. I've pretty much reached bottom- and by that I mean that even when I really felt like I had nothing, I still knew that I had my family. And as of today my family is no longer speaking to me.
Walking into work today after my conversation with my mom was painful.. when I wanted to just turn around and drive somewhere where no one knows me. Where I can start over. I'm sure we've all felt that way atleast once in our lives, and yeah it sucks.
Where do we go from here? When we reach bottom? .. What about when everyone you loved turns around and walks away?.. And you know, worse than that.. they come back around and use you, and hurt you.. only to leave you again and probably come BACK because they KNOW that you will be there. They know that you care, and they know that you fucking love them and would never do anything to see them hurt, and they don't fucking care. They just don't fucking care. I don't see the point. And where is God in all of this?
Sometimes people leave, but it's okay that we know we will see them again and it will be better than anything you can imagine. But what about when seeing them again is uncertain, when someone you love walks away and you have to face the idea that you may never see them again. 20 years down the drain, 2.5 years, 6 months... Just gone. I can't handle that.
It's come to the point now where I've literally pushed everyone away that I possibly could. Some of it may have been my fault, maybe some of it other peoples' fault. But either way, I don't have a whole lot right now. I've pretty much reached bottom- and by that I mean that even when I really felt like I had nothing, I still knew that I had my family. And as of today my family is no longer speaking to me.
Walking into work today after my conversation with my mom was painful.. when I wanted to just turn around and drive somewhere where no one knows me. Where I can start over. I'm sure we've all felt that way atleast once in our lives, and yeah it sucks.
Where do we go from here? When we reach bottom? .. What about when everyone you loved turns around and walks away?.. And you know, worse than that.. they come back around and use you, and hurt you.. only to leave you again and probably come BACK because they KNOW that you will be there. They know that you care, and they know that you fucking love them and would never do anything to see them hurt, and they don't fucking care. They just don't fucking care. I don't see the point. And where is God in all of this?
Sometimes people leave, but it's okay that we know we will see them again and it will be better than anything you can imagine. But what about when seeing them again is uncertain, when someone you love walks away and you have to face the idea that you may never see them again. 20 years down the drain, 2.5 years, 6 months... Just gone. I can't handle that.
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