glycerine.

It's really interesting that our best moments to write tend to be some of the worst moments we experience.. Maybe because when we're happy we don't feel the need to write, because we're busy being happy. Yeah, makes sense.

It's come to the point now where I've literally pushed everyone away that I possibly could. Some of it may have been my fault, maybe some of it other peoples' fault. But either way, I don't have a whole lot right now. I've pretty much reached bottom- and by that I mean that even when I really felt like I had nothing, I still knew that I had my family. And as of today my family is no longer speaking to me.

Walking into work today after my conversation with my mom was painful.. when I wanted to just turn around and drive somewhere where no one knows me. Where I can start over. I'm sure we've all felt that way atleast once in our lives, and yeah it sucks.

Where do we go from here? When we reach bottom? .. What about when everyone you loved turns around and walks away?.. And you know, worse than that.. they come back around and use you, and hurt you.. only to leave you again and probably come BACK because they KNOW that you will be there. They know that you care, and they know that you fucking love them and would never do anything to see them hurt, and they don't fucking care. They just don't fucking care. I don't see the point. And where is God in all of this?

Sometimes people leave, but it's okay that we know we will see them again and it will be better than anything you can imagine. But what about when seeing them again is uncertain, when someone you love walks away and you have to face the idea that you may never see them again. 20 years down the drain, 2.5 years, 6 months... Just gone. I can't handle that.